Relationships. What a wide range of emotions that word triggers in us. Happy, sad, angry, stressed, frightened, and so on. For some, they are a life-long goal, a Unicorn never found. Yet, for others, they are like revolving doors in a busy subway terminal, where people come and go in rapid succession. And the pressures modern society puts on us to be IN a relationship only muddy the waters even further. We are raised on the “get married/2.5 kids/white picket fence” premise that is more of a faerie tale than what we read in books as children. I would like to try to shed some light into the darker corners of “relationships”.
1.) Entering a relationship shouldn’t be like buying a house. When two people decide that they’ve each met a human that they can tolerate, and decide to “be together”, it shouldn’t turn into an ownership scenario. You don’t belong to each other, a possessive sense. One individual does not have the right to dictate to the other how they should act, think or feel. A healthy relationship, much like the ocean tides, has a natural ebb and flow, give and take. It should be interactive, cooperative, communicative and truthful. The darker side of human emotion includes a need to possess or control. A prime example might be having a beautiful flower garden; you spend hours and hours planting, watering, cultivating, fertilizing. Yet when the plants finally yield blooms, you cut the stems, trap them in a vase and throw a little water in there, for appearances. It might start out as a beauty you can keep all to yourself, but eventually that wonderful flower withers and dies, and the water within becomes fouled. The same can be said of a relationship, where one party feels compelled to own the other, to lock them away from the world. Sting said “If you love them, set them free”. The ones that are meant to stay will thrive in the freedom, and yet will always return.
2.) Have your own house in order. The need to own or possess often stems from our own insecurities. “If I let him/her around others, they will find someone else”. If this is where your head-space is at, then, , you’re sending out the message that you don’t think you’re good enough. I’m not indicating that there aren’t individuals in this world that are just out for a “quick hook-up”, but if a partnership is meant to be, neither person should need worry. If your own insecurities are creating these thoughts in you, then ask yourself: Why? When we project our own insecurities onto our partners, we are creating the very reality we wish to avoid. Thought, Word and Deed are powerful leverages of your personal intent. Choose from each of them wisely. The Universe is ALWAYS listening!
3.) Truth will set you free. When I say “truth”, I don’t just mean “Don’t lie” (although that is a good premise, as well lol), I mean “Be True to Yourself.” If you can’t be yourself with the person you’ve chosen to be with, how will you ever be happy? Be real. Every. Damn. Day. Your true connection will never fault you for being yourself. If you were attracted to the “real” human inside, then there should never be a need to require them, or you, for that matter, to change. It’s okay to be happy, or angry, or sad, or horny. That means you’re HUMAN. Acknowledge that humanity in yourself, AND in your partner. Scream! Laugh! Cry! Fuck! Indulge in the physical releases all of these offer and revel in how much BETTER you feel afterward!
4.)Love is Spiritual; Sex is Chemical. Sexual desire is a chemical reaction in animals to encourage us to procreate (because we aren’t always the sharpest tools in the shed). The rush of attraction is AMAZING, and shouldn’t be discounted for its huge health benefits! Physically, arousal FEELS good. It encourages production of endorphins and stimulates our pleasure centers. Mentally, it makes you feel good about YOU, knowing another desires you! But, as with all things of this nature, it is fleeting. So when that initial “head rush” is gone, then what? What makes you want to stick around? In happier, longer-term partnerships, their are other factors at play. Common interests, at a surface level. Connected ideologies at a deeper one. Mutual Respect is a key to healthy interaction. Keep that person in your life that knows just how to finger that sweet spot: Your INTELLECT! Real love isn’t about ownership, it’s about inspiring each other to be the BEST you can be! And FYI…sometimes that fucking HURTS! If you nurture that spiritual inter-twining, the rest of your connection will thrive!
5.) Sometimes it’s not forever. I had a conversation recently with a woman very wise for her years, one that really opened up my eyes to this point. When two individuals get married, they sign on the dotted line and enter into the “Forever Contract”. That’s what society says we have to do, right? But in the immortal words of the musical performer, Prince: “Forever.
That’s a might long time.” Forever is scary and intimidating. Far too often, two people sign that contract, and a switch clicks in their heads saying, “Okay, I’m all set now! Spouse: Check! Don’t have to work at THAT anymore, right?” WRONG! Everyday should be a day where you value your partner, where you try to be strong enough enough to bring out the best in them, while simultaneously being brave enough to let them do the same in you. There are moments in our lives, where people enter at a time when they are meant to. They arrive to teach us whatever lessons Spirit needs us to hear…it might be something great or, it might be something awful…but you’ve learned from it. And, then the time arrives, and they leave again. We cling to hold onto the security blanket of the familiar because it’s so much easier than heading back out into the unknown. So, look at each partnership as if it might be a short-term investment, with the potential of a long-term prospectus, if all the chips fall correctly.